Redefining Relationships
There is something both beautiful and uncomfortable about healing.
As we heal, we change.
Our perspectives change.
Our priorities change.
Our capacity changes.
Our boundaries change.
And when we change, our relationships are often forced to change as well.
Lately, I have found myself redefining nearly every relationship in my life. Not because I love people less, but because I am no longer the person I used to be.
The version of me that operated from survival mode is fading away.
The version of me that said yes when I wanted to say no.
The version of me that overextended herself.
The version of me that carried responsibilities that were never hers to carry.
The version of me that gave from obligation instead of intention.
She is no longer here.
What remains is someone who is learning to honor her energy, protect her peace, and steward what God has entrusted to her.
Sometimes that means setting boundaries.
Sometimes that means having difficult conversations.
Sometimes that means informing people that the old expectations they had of me no longer apply.
Not everyone understands that.
In fact, some people experience your boundaries as rejection because they benefited from your lack of boundaries. Others may genuinely be confused because they have only known the old version of you.
At times, I admit, I felt disrespected.
I felt unseen.
At times I feel as though people are refusing to acknowledge the growth that has taken place.
But when I step back, I can also understand their perspective.
They are responding to who I was.
I am responding to who I am becoming.
Growth requires patience—not only with ourselves but with others as they adjust to the new version of us.
Still, understanding someone's perspective does not mean abandoning my boundaries.
I can have compassion and remain firm.
I can understand and still say no.
I can love people and refuse to betray myself.
Healing has taught me that boundaries are not punishments. They are declarations.
They communicate what I value.
They communicate what I need.
They communicate what I will and will not accept.
Most importantly, they honor the work God has done within me.
So while all of my relationships are being redefined, I no longer see that as a loss.
I see it as evidence of growth.
Because when God transforms you, every area of your life eventually reflects that transformation.
And although some people may struggle to recognize who you are now, your responsibility is not to return to who you were.
Your responsibility is to walk faithfully as the person you are becoming.
For years, I operated from survival mode. I gave when I was exhausted. I said yes when I wanted to say no. I ignored my own needs while making room for everyone else's. I often carried burdens that were never mine to carry.
At the time, I thought that was love.
Now I understand that love without boundaries can become self-abandonment.
Healing has taught me that I am responsible for being a good steward of what God has entrusted to me—my energy, my time, my peace, my gifts, and my purpose.
As a result, I have had to establish new boundaries.
Sometimes that means saying no.
Sometimes that means limiting access.
Sometimes that means communicating that certain behaviors, expectations, or dynamics no longer work for me.
Scriptures
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Galatians 1:10 (NIV)
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?
James 1:5 (NIV)
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.
Healing and Redefining Relationships Affirmations
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