Survival Me Vs. Healing Me

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  Recently, I found myself reflecting on some of the names I've been called throughout my life. Guarded. Standoffish. Quiet. Distant. For years, I accepted those labels as personality traits. I assumed that was simply who I was. But healing has a way of revealing things we couldn't see before. As I've learned more about nervous system regulation, trauma, faith, emotional healing, and self-awareness, I've begun to wonder: What if I wasn't being guarded because it was my personality? What if I was surviving? When survival mode becomes your normal, you don't always recognize it. You learn to stay alert. You learn to protect yourself. You learn to keep parts of yourself hidden because somewhere along the way, vulnerability didn't feel safe. Over time, those protective behaviors can become so familiar that they begin to look like identity. But they aren't always the same thing. The truth is, many of us have spent years operating from protection rather than co...

When Pain Comes To Disturb

 


Disturb comes from the Latin disturbare, meaning “to throw into disorder.”
It combines dis- (a prefix meaning “apart” or “away”) and turbare (“to agitate,” “to stir up,” or “to trouble”).

So at its root, to disturb means:

“to unsettle, interrupt, or cause disorder in something that was once calm or stable.”

In everyday use, it can mean:

  • To interfere with peace or rest (e.g., “Don’t disturb her while she’s praying.”)

  • To interrupt a natural process (e.g., “Pain disturbs the body’s balance.”)

  • To agitate the mind or emotions (e.g., “That news disturbed me deeply.”)

     

    Disturbance is the state or result of being disturbed — the condition of unrest, agitation, or imbalance that follows an interruption.

    It can refer to:

  • Physical disturbance: shaking, discomfort, or disruption of normal bodily functions

  • Emotional disturbance: inner turmoil, anxiety, distress

  • Spiritual disturbance: loss of peace, confusion, or separation from inner stillness

     

    Pain — whether physical, emotional, or spiritual — is a disturbance because it interrupts the natural flow of peace, presence, and connection.
    It “throws off” the body’s rhythm, the mind’s focus, and the soul’s rest.
    Yet disturbance can also be a signal, not just a disruption — an invitation to pay attention to what needs healing, restoration, or release.

    Pain has a voice — subtle, persistent, and often loud enough to drown out peace.
    For a long time, I let it interrupt my flow, dictate my mood, and shape my days.
    But I’ve learned that the more I talk about it, the more I rehearse it (
    Every time I repeat the story of my pain, I invite it to stay a little longer.) — and the stronger it becomes.

    Now I understand: I must fight intentionally — not through striving, but through stillness, faith, and focus.
    When I refuse to magnify pain with my words, I magnify God instead.
    When I shift my attention from the hurt to the Healer, I begin to recover control over my atmosphere.

     

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. — Proverbs 18:21 

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord. — Psalm 19:14

Affirmation:

I choose to feed peace, not pain.
I guard my thoughts and words.
I speak life, healing, and strength.
Pain may try to distract me, but my focus is anchored in God.

 

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