There was a time I didn’t understand what was happening to me.
I was so confused, full of fear about everything, and I was drowning in shame. I couldn’t understand why life kept beating me so badly—especially after all I’d already survived. Deep down, I wondered if I was being punished for the mistakes I made or the people I’d hurt. I asked, “Why me?” over and over, and the silence was deafening.
At 30, I thought my life was over. No kids. No husband. Not because I couldn’t have those things—but because I always chose what felt easier, what I could control. I was angry, hurt, and numb. The smiling face full of joy person people knew me to be.. was gone. And the version of me I tried so hard to hold together… broke in pieces, and shattered.
I didn’t want to do what God wanted me to do. Truthfully, I didn’t know Him like that I only knew of Him at that time—there is a difference. But even in my rebellion and stubbornness, He was still guiding me. Gently. Patiently. Lovingly. He let me take the long way, like the children of Israel, wandering in my own wilderness filled with doubt, fear, and unbelief.
But He never left me.
And looking back now, I see the lessons weren’t wasted—they were woven. Into my healing. My wisdom. My calling
📖 Scripture:
“Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.” – Deuteronomy 8:2
💬 Affirmation:
“Even in my wilderness, God was leading me. My detours did not cancel my destiny.”
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