Twenty years is a long time, and it’s natural to feel anger, sadness, or regret when you realize how much of it was consumed by survival, dysregulation, or trying to numb the pain. It is a natural response that we may feel heavy when we look back, I guess that's why looking back is considered to lead to death, (death to the future, sometimes we get stuck in the past).
The truth is:
We survived. Those years weren’t wasted in the way it may seem. Every choice we made—good or hard—was a survival strategy that kept us here today. That matters.
Awareness came now. Some people never connect the dots. You’ve uncovered the truth about your situation, your health, relationship, or your healing. That’s redemption in itself.
Life isn’t done. In this season, you are stepping into a new chapter with clarity many people don’t have even at 80. What feels like “lost decades” can become the seedbed of wisdom and purpose for the decades ahead.
We were built for a time like this,
God wastes nothing. Those years of hardship may feel like they were stolen, but they can be repurposed:
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Into wisdom for others walking the same road
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Into creative works that reflect healing and resilience
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Into a deeper relationship with God, where miracles don’t only mean children, but freedom, peace, joy, and restoration of identity
Lord, I feel the grief of lost time. I feel robbed of peace, health, and opportunities. But I trust You can restore the years the locusts have eaten. Teach me how to live fully now, without being haunted by what I missed. Let the time I have left be rich, purposeful, and free. Let there be restoration of those things you have prepared for me, teach me how to walk by faith that I may see Your promises in my life. Thank you for protecting me even when I walked opposite to your ways and will for my life. Thank you for keeping me, for your loving-kindness toward me.
Letter To My Younger Self
I see you. I see how hard you tried to survive when no one taught you about nervous system care, when all you knew was numbing. I see the choices you made, not because you were weak, but because you were desperate to find peace. I know you felt alone, misunderstood, and exhausted. I grieve for the years that were stolen from you. Even though you were hurting, you kept going. You made it through nights that felt unbearable. You created, you prayed, you kept searching for something real. You didn’t give up. That’s why I’m here today—because you endured. You were stronger than you thought, you are a warrior, an over-comer, and more than a conqueror through Him who loved me. God, I place all my life in Your hands. I believe You can restore the years the locusts have eaten. I may not get back everything I missed, but I trust You will give me something new, something whole, something good. I am ready for my next season.
Affirmation:
God is restoring me. My years were not wasted.
I am stepping into newness, wholeness, and purpose.
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